There’d been an issue of trust in the relationship — not of the cheating kind, I’ve always trusted him in that way. It had more to do with hurt feelings. I had never really felt supported by him, in different areas of life.
What I realise now is that the issue of trust began with me. I had not completely trusted myself. I had not always been a very good friend to myself. The self talk had sometimes been abusive, and I had put a lot of pressure on myself because I had high standards. I hadn’t allowed myself to rest when I was tired. I had not really take care of myself in all the ways I should.
If a friend had treated me and spoken to me the way I had treated myself we would no longer be friends.
I’m grateful to say there have been so many positive changes in my life. I’ve become a much better friend to myself, which means that I now trust myself more to be there for me, to give myself what I require. Sometimes it’s encouragement, sometimes it’s just giving myself a break when I’ve had a human moment, and sometimes it’s physically giving myself a break when I need a rest. And I’m just kinder to myself all round. The self talk is more in line with what I would say to a friend who was sitting across from me.
Because of these internal changes there is now an external shift in the experience with my partner. I feel truly supported by him in so many ways that I hadn’t before. In the past he’d said the words “I support you”, but it never felt real. I remember the first time he said those words when they came from an authentic place and I knew it was real. The truth of those words landed in my heart and I burst into tears. I knew our relationship had permanently shifted for the better.
This came about because of the changes I’d made within myself. The way I spoke to myself, the way I treated myself. I was in a much more positive place and the Universe had no option but to shift around me, to be in alignment with who I am now.
Relationships do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.”
Is there a relationship in your life right now that is bringing out pain and unhappiness? Can you see what it’s showing you about your relationship with yourself and how you can be kinder to yourself?
What can you do to build more trust within you?
It can be something simple. I started with allowing myself to lie down for about 10 minutes once a day. When you take better care of yourself, you reinforce a belief that you are there for you. How are you going to be kinder to you?
Pleases note: Whilst I totally believe in the concept of “everything starts with you”, and when you make a change within yourself, your external world also shifts — I’d like to point out that sometimes in life we come across people who are just mean. And that’s a different thing altogether…